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The longer time goes on when you are waiting for a spouse can be painful, emotionally draining, and even cause you to question your own personal value. It can be hard to keep waiting on the right person. But let me tell you that when God’s timing ends up right in front of you the waiting process fades away.
Hearing other people say this can be so annoying but I am going to tell you anyway. Waiting on a Godly Husband or wife is a phase of life. Everyone has to go through seasons of waiting whether it is for a healthy relationship or to simply hear an answer from God. And sometimes just hearing that you are not the only one can bring you a bit of comfort while you are waiting on your soul mate.
God knows your desire for marriage and if you keep focused on what God has for you, you will feel like you have a purpose in your season of waiting not just “oh let’s see about this one… meaaaa naa not right” It can feel like stabbing in the dark sometimes.
Trust Your Gut And God
Sometimes people give the impression that the only way god speaks is through divine appointments and it is this great big thing. But I personally believe that he will speak to you in whispers of your soul. That still small voice is the most beautiful thing when you listen and hear god speak.
But when you trust your gut and God amazing things will happen.
How To Not Question Your Worth
Both men and women struggle with this but women especially will start to question their outward appearance if finding their spouse starts to take a long time.
You’re too tall, too fat, your nose must surely be the problem.
Our minds can be a funny thing when we let it take the lead instead.
Here is the way that I helped keep my emotions in check. My grandma used to say that there was a lid for every pot.
Meaning God had someone for everyone.
So as I would be out in public I would look for people who had a spouse and compare the female to myself. I would think to myself “if she can get a guy then so can I” haha. Hey, right or wrong it worked.
Keep Your Mind Focused On God
God does not want you to be unhappy and if he has given you the desire and craving for the lifelong companionship of a spouse he will give you the desires of your heart.
Keep focused on God and don’t let your weariness cause you to settle for second best or pull away from him. Stay in god’s word and in fellowship with other Christians. Listen to music and let your soul talk to God.
Something that people forget is when you are trying to speak to God through prayer you don’t have to utter the words. He knows the thoughts of your heart and knows what you are thinking and feeling.
You might feel so broken and feel like God may never bring you your spouse.
The next time you are greaved and are struggling to pray I want you to find your favorite song and play that over and over to him. Send those words up to god as your prayer.
Stay focused on God’s plan for your life through lots of prayer and looking for signs God is listening. Sometimes we pray for something then leave it at that. Forgetting we need to look for what we asked of God.
Rest In Gods Love
I am a true believer in the Lord Jesus Christ but I also know spitting Bible verses at you and saying you just need to let God’s promises be enough isn’t going to win you over. If you are strong enough in your faith to be waiting for the will of God I know you already know anything I could tell you.
It takes a little bit of faith every single day to get you through. Know that God does love you and he will bring you a godly man or woman and it will be the most beautiful relationship you have ever been a part of.
Keep Working Towards Life Goals
Whether you are waiting on your future husband or wife there are things that you can do to keep your mind busy while still making progress in your life.
Because there is one thing that God doesn’t want and that is for us to sit idle and do nothing. Waiting on God’s plan to just drop in your lap also won’t work. He wants us to do the work and maybe he wants us to do something that seems completely out of our comfort zone so we can trust him.
Like I said before you shouldn’t just sit idle. Keep working towards your life goals whether that is in your carrier. Go back to school and get good grades or start that business you have a fire in your should for. Or to even start putting together a home.
You can’t assume that your spouse will come in your 20s or 30s and let me just tell you. A man or woman still living in their parent’s house after they are 25-30 is a red flag for a lot of people. It could be months or even years of waiting and you would hate to have missed opportunities because you did nothing.
Create A Spouse Wish List
My mom made me and my sister do this when we were YOUNG and we rolled our eyes at her. But let me tell you this was the best thing we ever did.
My husband that I prayed for YEARS checked off every single one of those boxes. The funny thing is I had lost the card and found it later after I had been married. To be honest, a lot of those things seemed like pipe dreams. Surly there wasn’t someone that good out there.
It was a God’s timing and holy spirit kind of perfect.
Here were some of the things I knew I had on the list. ( Know we still have it but I gave the list to my husband and well let’s just say he is a packrat and tucks things away who knows where so that is going to be hard to find. He is an organized pack rat though. So at least he is neat about it)
Anyway here are some of the things on my “wishlist”
- A do-it-yourselfer.
- Could fix cars.
- At least tolerated animals (because I knew I would be having animals forever and ever amen so he had to at least tolerate them)
- He was at least as tall as me.
- He was intelligent.
- A go-getter.
- A Christian
- A good friend. <— This one was huge for me. I wanted a good husband who could be a friend more than anything else.
I know there were several more but I can’t think of them off the top of my head.
All that to say I could not have asked for a better guy.
Get Involved In Your Church And Or Volunteer
Getting involved in your church community can help take your mind off of your singleness and make you feel more connected. Find something to do that helps others but is also something you don’t mind doing. (If you do something you hate it will just feel like a punishment)
This is going to sound cliche but giving back to others can help take the focus off of your own situation and make you feel good about yourself. I was a 4-H volunteer for a long time and that really helped me stay focused on something else besides my singleness. But I was also able to teach kids about their projects and even guide them through life in some instances.
Spend Time With Family
Now this one could go both ways. You may love spending time with your family or they could completely drive you crazy. Especially if they are not considerate of how hard finding a spouse can be or think you should just find one that you can tolerate.
But spending time with loved ones can also help remind you that you are not alone and that you are loved. If you are an extrovert and need human interaction then this might be good for you.
But if you are an introvert you should definitely be a little more reserved with this one.
Find A Companion
This might sound weird but while you are in the waiting period, find a friend you can build a good relationship with. Part of a loving romantic relationship is the companionship you find in that person.
So find another person you can create a good solid friendship (not a group of college friends that seem to get into trouble) with until God brings you that person. God gave me my best friend during that time and even though she lives outside the US now we are still close and message each other as often as we can.
However, don’t get too involved with the opposite sex because one, that can cause your emotions to get involved even if you know they aren’t the right one.
But if someone who is interested in you sees you spending a lot of time with another guy or girl that could cause them to not bother to meet you. They don’t know the status of the “relationship” from the outside looking in.
Get A Dog
Hahaha ok don’t take this as an insult but God did create animals for our enjoyment. In the early days of creation before God made us females, in Genesis chapter 2 verse 20 Adam was naming all of the animals God had created.
In them, it says that Adam could not find a help meet. (In other words, he couldn’t find a companion for himself. And ladies let’s be honest the guys need us to help them get through life and remember to get #allthethings done. ) It was only then that God made women.
So you see God had given the animals to adam as a companion. While “mans best friend” won’t be a perfect solution for finding a spouse it certainly will help.
I had my female Saint Bernard Kassie for a while then about a year before I met my now husband I got my male Saint Bernard Toby.
Maybe you aren’t a dog person so find another type of pet you could enjoy. It will bring out your nurturing instinct and help calm the desire in you and help you to wait on your future spouse.
How God Leads You To Your Spouse
Sometimes how God brings you your future spouse will make sense and sometimes it will be a total “God Thing”.
Why? Because he wants the glory for the thing he does in our life.
Sometimes He will give you a burning desire in your heart to do something that makes no sense at the moment. Its one of those “gut and God” moments. God created instinctual people for a reason. Use it if that is you.
If you are doing it for good reasons and not because you are getting impatient God will work out even the oddest scenarios in alls sorts of different ways.
In late 2013 I over heard my mom talk about a Christain speaker she heard on the radio say that meeting people online or “online dating” wasn’t so weird.
We apply for loans, buy cars, and do everything else online. Why not meet someone?
I knew at that moment that was what I was supposed to do. Did it make sense and even worry my parents a little? Yep.
But I knew it was what I was supposed to do and God brought me the love of my life.
Remember That Settling Isn’t Worth It
I have seen people settle and it breaks my heart to know that they could have something so much better. All because they couldn’t keep going through the hard times and wait on Gods perfect timing to bring them the specific person he has for them.
While it might not cause you to end up in a bad relationship you could end up with something that just isn’t amazing.
Single life is HARD. You can feel like you will never have your own big moment. Your friends are meeting new people taking them into their next phase of life and it’s hard to wait thinking you might miss out on your fairy tale.
But if you trust in God’s wisdom he will guide you to the finish line. But you have to stay out of your own way.
Yes We Have Free Choice But We Can Also Screw Up God’s Plans
God gave us free choice when he created us because He WANTS us to want to follow his plans and will for our life. Think about it. Do you want someone who is “friends” with you because they feel obligated? Or do you want them to be your friend because they want to be?
It’s the same with God. He wants us to choose to follow his plan for our life. Both for the little things and the life-changing things.
You can choose to find the “best option you have” or you can choose to wait on God even if you don’t see how in the world he is going to bring you someone else. Settling isn’t worth it.
But more than anything I want you to end up in a strong relationship that is God-led.
Ask The Important Questions
I would be remiss if I didn’t give you a few tips or questions you need to ask a person BEFORE calling a relationship serious.
Ask important life questions first.
Core religious beliefs or doctrine. – This is going to be the first thing you need to lead with. It will tell you a lot about them. It will tell you if they are strong in their faith or if they believe something totally different.
You can not easily blend two faiths in a family. It doesn’t work like that. How should you choose to teach your kids? Dad’s way or moms way?
How often do they attend church – One person my take it more seriously than another and this could also be a bone of contention.
Do you want kids? – Not just do you want them but how many is also a good thing to ask. One person may want just a few and the other may want a huge family. But if one is an introvert and the other is an extrovert that again will cause big strains on a marriage.
What kind of life do you want to live? – Meaning you do want to live in the city or country. Do you want to be traveling or not? Things like that can be so important because one person may hate that kind of lifestyle and the other love it. That will ruin a marriage if one person feels like they have to live a life the other wants to but their needs are not being met.
Talk A LOT… This will allow certain personality traits to come out that are hard to ask people about. Do they get mad easily? Are they overly bossy toward you?
Pay close attention to how they behave around other people and even their families. That is going to be a good indicator of how they will be with you if you choose to create a life with this person.
You will find the one God has for you sweet friend. I promise you. Keep moving forward in life and keep looking for gods answers and guidance through life. You will find true love in him or in a spouse. I pray for your sake that it’s both.
Because the love of God and the love of a spouse are two things that make life beautiful.