My body ached with stress, frustration, anger, uncertainty, and fear… Sitting in my red 2001 Oldsmobile Bravada with tears running down my face unsure if I could keep going. I pushed a Kari Jobe’s album Majestic CD into the player and let the words fill the car.
I didn’t know the words to say or even what the answer was that I was looking for.
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You see the few months I had dating my now husband and leading up to our marriage totaling 14 months was the most stressful time of my life. Expectations from others and opinions shared from all sides threatened to break us apart.
It felt like the weight of 1000 worlds was pressing down on me.
Here I am 6 years later and nearly 5 years married to the best man and life partner I could ask for, telling you that no matter how broken you feel.
You can find strength in the brokeness.
You might feel pain and you might not see a way out. But I am here to encourage you that no matter what you are going through there is an end to the darkness.
Don’t look at the big picture. Focus on getting through one day.
Sometimes we are trying to push past a time that could take months or years to get through. Adding to the frustration.
Don’t look at the mountain in front of you. Look at that small step you can take to get to the other side.
When you don’t have the strength to utter the words. Let others do it for you.
Even if they don’t know it. Bring others alongside you and gain strength from them. Kari Jobe has no idea that her words helped me through the hardest time.
As those words from her majestic album played. I let them fill my heart and mind. Praying those words to God. Begging for strength to get through another day.
God knows every word that goes through your mind. When you don’t have the strength to utter the words through your mouth let your mind speak.
Set your heart and mind on the prise.
For you to get through a time when you don’t know if it is worth it. You have to set your heart and mind on the prise. What are you fighting for? There are two things that I had to run over and over in my mind to keep fighting.
- If I decided to give up on our relationship. Who’s to say I wouldn’t run into the same issues with the next relationship?
- Could I leave him and essentially say he was not worth it the fight.
While I would never want to go back to the months we dated I am grateful for them.
In my darkest moments when I thought I was close to giving up with no words to speak. I was being made strong.
Don’t let those dark moments DEFINE you. Let the heat of the fire refine you and make you stronger.
I know that if my husband and I made it through those months we could make it through anything.
There is strength to be found in the brokenness.