How To Encourage Your Spouses Help With Homesteading Projects, What To Do If They Wont

I hear this question a lot… ” How do you get your spouse help with XYZ”? But without being in the situation and seeing how each person is behaving for myself its hard to know where the problem is. I never take sides in a story without seeing both sides for myself. NOT taking either party’s word for how things went.

So I am going to try and first share how I approach getting help alongside what I see out in the world that is common.

Does Your Spouse Even Care About The Lifestyle?

Getting started on anything new in life is exciting for the person leading the charge. You see the value in being able to supply your own food and you feel capable and dare I say valuable when you can grow something from nothing.

You love being able to supply your family with food that is not covered in chemicals and feed dies to make yoaks more yellow.

But the thing with homesteading is it is like a diet. You can’t want something for them bad enough that they will do it. THEY have to want to. So maybe their lack of interest is they just don’t see the value in it.

Understanding whether your spouse truly cares about homesteading is key to having a good relationship if you want to keep going down this road. It’s also important to separate their feelings towards the lifestyle from their feelings for you.

They may not immediately see the value in raising chickens or tending to an expansive vegetable garden, but this doesn’t mean they don’t support you as a person. It’s vital to approach this situation with empathy and understanding, recognizing that everyone cares for different things.

man stacking hay bales

NEVER ASSUME YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR SPOUSE IS THINKING

This has been something I have done from the beginning, if something is stressing me out or I think my husband doesn’t like something I make myself straight up ASK. And nine times out of ten I am causing myself more stress by noodling on it in my head than just getting a straight answer.

And for the love of homesteading don’t try to read into their answer, tone, or underlying response. This gets people in more trouble. If they didn’t give you their straight answer then that is on them. Not you.

Whatever their response is take that as the answer and move on.

woman holding a felt hat

What To Do If Your Spouse Doesn’t Care To Have A Homestead Lifestyle

It’s entirely possible that your spouse’s reluctance towards homesteading doesn’t stem from a lack of love or care, but rather they are juggling their responsibilities and personal projects.

Make sure you pay attention to how often you have asked for their help with your homesteading tasks. I know someone who quite honestly can’t seem to work on a project on their own unless someone is working alongside them. — It is not your spouse’s obligation to do everything you want to do. Learn to work on your own and get each project up to par as much as you can on your own then ask for help only when it’s necessary.

Their Reserved Attitude May Not Be At Your Homesteading Goals

It’s crucial to recognize that they may already feel overwhelmed with obligations or may have goals they’re struggling to get done. It may not be because of you. This goes back to not assuming the reasons for their responce.

Instead of approaching this as a transactional exchange—”I’ll help you if you help me”—focus on cultivating mutual support out of love and understanding. Help them with their projects, marriage is supposed to be about you guys getting through life as a team. If you are willing to help them first with the most important projects you might find them more inclined to help with yours, but whatever you do, help them without keeping score.

denim jacket

You May Have To Tweak Your Goals

This may be hard for some people to hear…

When it becomes clear that your spouse might not shift their priorities towards homesteading, it’s time to recalibrate your goals.

This doesn’t signify the end of your dreams but instead an opportunity to adjust them in manageable ways to get the results you want. All the while respecting your spouse’s boundaries.

First, assess your numbers and make sure that you are not trying to produce more than you need. Most homesteaders have way more chickens than they need. Instead of growing all your own produce you could go to an Amish auction and buy produce in bulk.

Be willing to start smaller-scale projects that can be completed independently or within the capacity you’ve. If there are larger initiatives you’re unable to tackle alone, consider saving funds over time to hire the required expertise or purchase necessary tools, making sure that these ambitions don’t become sources of frustration or resentment.

Woman holding a cup of coffee thinking

Most importantly, be patient and be willing to progress at a slower pace than initially thought. The saying it’s going to cost more and take longer than you thought is true for homesteading. Not just building projects and growing a business.

Remember that you have your entire life to get to your dream goals. I know it’s easy to get frustrated with not having life be the way we want it RIGHT NOW. But life is about having goals to work towards. — Start with what is most important to you now.

While pursuing a homestead might be a dream come true for you, think about whether it’s worth sacrificing peace in your marriage over differing opinions on living arrangements. Marriages thrive when both partners feel heard and valued, so forcing someone into a full-blown homestead life when they don’t want to can create more harm than good. Your way is not worth sacrificing your marriage.

Country Lifestyle Action Planner

Create your step-by-step plan to build the country lifestyle you’ve dreamed of that is right for you!

Communicate Your Vision Without Demanding

Bridging the gap between your goals for homesteading and your spouse’s understanding is crucial. They might be afraid that you are going to turn them into a hippy against their will. (Don’t worry I love you hippies to)

My husband loves a particular laundry soap and he’s definitely not going to love it if I started making him eat move veggies. Some things are just not worth the fuss.

You have to begin by clearly communicating why this lifestyle appeals to you without a controlling tone or like you are trying to change them too.

Tablet device on an upside down wooden crate and a cup of coffee

Discussing how both of you could benefit from these changes will drive home the advantages of homesteading together. If you like gardening and he likes hunting be willing to work on both aspects of it.

Share the specific goals you have in mind, whether it’s growing your own food, living more sustainably, or enjoying a self-sufficient slow-paced life that brings you peace.

Have an environment of open dialogue allows room for both preferences and hesitations to air openly without judgment or pressure. Approach conversations about homesteading in an understanding manner. Having a demanding tone will likely push your spouse away instead of drawing them into collaboration.

Work With Each Other, Not Against

If you know your spouse operates differently then you find a way to make communication work. If he’s not going to remember an appointment or scheduled project from a text, but he looks at his calendar. Think about adding projects to a shared calendar.

This is something I did years ago when I saw he used his phone calendar. So I created a shared calendar so I could put things on it that involved the both of us. It’s not always foolproof but it helps.

Another example is if you know your spouse likes to come home from work and chill for a few minutes don’t hit them at the door with “ok let’s go work on XYZ” Give them some time to chill and say “hey, when your ready could we get this quick thing done”.

If they are interested in helping but they don’t like certain chores don’t force them to do it. Especially if that project was your idea in the first place.

This Post Is Sponsored By

Plan Your Dream Homestead Life Course

Are you ready to have a step-by-step plan to start building your dream country lifestyle? This implementation course called The Intentional Backyard Farm Course is going to open its doors for the first time Black Friday 2024 and only the people on the waiting list are going to get it at a discount!

Encourage Creativity and Input

Both parties should feel their ideas are valued. Even if you don’t like their idea or probably won’t do it. You can at least listen without saying “That’s stupid”.

Encourage your spouse to share innovative ideas by actively welcoming their thoughts.

This can cause a sense of ownership and can encourage them to help out more often or be willing to take over a project. It can also transform routine chores into exciting projects, making the journey enjoyable for both of you. Remember, two creative minds are better than one, and when your spouse sees that their input is making a difference, they are more likely to invest emotionally in the homesteading lifestyle.

Notebook on an upside down wooden crate and a cup of coffee

When you are planning a project show them the end goal and ask “What do you think” or “How would you do this”? They may not think you want their input if you don’t ask for it.

By encouraging each other’s goals or pursuits will create a team environment rather than a battleground for who is right. Everybody needs to know they are appreciated by their spouse.

Start Small with Projects

When you get started with anything you shouldn’t completely blow up your way of life and start over. While homesteading you are often times changing habits, routines, what you are eating and so much more. Thats a lot of stress for someone to take. Even for yourself.

Start with 1-2 projects your first year and give those time to feel comfortable with them. Don’t start with 5 new things your first year and expect to feel like you are living in a bed of roses. Its likely going to feel like you are a chicken when its head cut off.

Start with simple activities that require minimal resources, such as starting a small herb garden or setting up a compost bin. These projects are not only manageable but also offer quick and visible results, reinforcing the satisfaction of contributing to your homestead lifestyle.

Starting small allows you to get accustomed to the different aspects of homesteading without feeling pressured by too many responsibilities at once.

Starting small ensures that both partners stay engaged without feeling buried under too much stress too soon in the process.

The key is patience—acknowledging that each step forward is progress even if it feels small.

Make It Fun and Rewarding

Nobody likes to do things out of obligation.

Start by appreciating your spouse’s efforts; even simple gestures like verbal praise or a heartfelt “thank you” can go a long way in making them feel valued.

Positive reinforcement plays an essential role in maintaining motivation, so let them know how much their contribution means to you. It’s not just about executing tasks but nurturing the spirit of teamwork and appreciation.

Those nice things that you would say to other people in public when they are not around… Say them to their face. Those are the things people need to hear.

Country Lifestyle Action Planner

Create your step-by-step plan to build the country lifestyle you’ve dreamed of that is right for you!

Are you a competitive couple?

Injecting some fun into homesteading through friendly competitions or challenges can effectively engage your spouse’s interest. For instance, consider having a monthly gardening challenge where each partner oversees a section of the vegetable patch. Not only does this add a playful twist to the responsibility, but it also encourages creativity as you compare whose tomatoes are juicier or carrots are crunchier! The joy of competition and laughter creates lasting memories and brings you closer as a couple.

In addition, recognizing achievements with treats or rewards can be incredibly motivating. Perhaps after successfully building that chicken coop together, why not celebrate with a special dinner at home? It might seem silly at first but why not? If you both enjoy it thats all that matters. Rewards don’t have to cost a lot of money.

This not only acknowledges the hard work put into your project but also serves as an opportunity for relaxation and reconnection outside of work. Acknowledging these milestones reinforces the idea that though challenging, homesteading is profoundly rewarding when tackled as a united front.

Learn Together: Do Some of Their Ideas and Projects

There are two facets to this. If you learn something your spouse wants to do it shows interest and that you care about things they care about. It will also help both of you participate in the conversation.

Try enrolling in classes or workshops that focus on homesteading skills like permaculture design, bee-keeping, or organic gardening. By attending these sessions as a couple, you’ll not only gain practical knowledge but also create shared experiences that deepen your connection because you can both participate in the same conversation together. On the flip side, it keeps one space from feeling like the dumb one because they don’t know anything about this aspect that the other knows a lot about. Nobody likes to feel less than.

woman reading a book

Address Challenges as a Team

Weathering these obstacles together can not only solidify your partnership but also ensure a more sustainable lifestyle progression. Start by identifying common hurdles you both might face, such as unexpected construction setbacks or crop failures.

Acknowledge that setbacks are an inevitable part of any venture. When they occur, resist the impulse to give blame; instead, adopt a solution-focused mindset. For example, if a chicken coop design proves flawed and results in predators getting chickens (a very common scenario), discuss what went wrong and brainstorm better approaches together without pointing fingers.

This supportive approach nurtures an environment where learning from mistakes is encouraged rather than feared, fostering confidence in tackling future difficulties head-on.

Providing emotional support during particularly tough times is equally key. Recognize when your spouse might need space or reassurance—especially when they’re dealing with difficult emotions caused by anything not just homestead-related stressors.

Encouraging words or simply sharing quiet time can speak volumes about the strength of your commitment to each other and the shared goal of achieving the rural lifestyle goals you both want.

Remember that patience goes hand-in-hand with understanding; just as you would expect grace during your frustrating moments, offer it generously in theirs.

Remember to work together when building this lifestyle. It’s not about getting your way or forcing something on the other one that would be healthy for them by eating more homegrown food.

If you can’t get their help with many projects be willing to find simpler ways to do less and still hit your goals.

Similar Posts