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Being a stay-at-home wife can cause ssssoooo many self-debuts. The feeling of worthlessness, or not feeling like you are “earning your keep” can creep in and your self-worth goes down the toilet.
Have mercy when the question “What do you do?” comes up😑– It makes you want to crawl into a hole for fear of the “you must have it easy” look that comes your way.
In a world that uses your job as your identity, it can feel demeaning when you stumble over the words “I’m a stay-at-home wife”.
Whether you being a stay at home wife was a co-decision with your spouse or it happened suddenly due to a job loss. Little whispers will creep in telling you that the people asking the question disprove. You might even feel like you are not earning your keep. The lies could go on forever.
Lets get into some ways that you can start to feel better about yourself and how you can find your worth as a stay at home wife.
You Have To Find Your Worth FOR YOU!
It’s not enough for me, your spouse, your sibling, or a friend to tell you. You are enough. You have to find what makes you feel worthy to yourself.
It’s not going to be easy. You have to want it. But once you find what makes you feel worthy and what gives you meaning. You have to be ok if someone else doesn’t understand it.
When you are talking to a 60-year-old male doctor who says “what do you do?” and your answer has to do with making money online… The dude ain’t gonna get it. Just ask me how I know.🤨
If you say you’re “just” a stay at home wife he is going to picture you barefoot in the kitchen with an apron on… Which would drive almost anyone up the wall.
Anyway, I digress.
Sometimes people are not going to “get it” and you have to be ok with that. Because YOU know you have purpose and value.
And the best way to learn to be ok with it is not fun. — It’s experiencing it as often as possible so you can feel the struggle. It helps your brain to realize being seen as different or judged by others is just that. They will have an opinion of you regardless. So you might as well live your life they way you want and keep moving.
Why Do You Feel This Way?
Now my next few words might annoy you… In order to fix the problem, you have to know what the problem is.
Now you might be thinking “I just want you to listen and not fix it”. Sorry honey this is not a problem I can’t let you sit in. You need to be able to stand up and move forward out of this feeling.
You may know exactly what is causing you to feel the way you do. Or you may not. You may need to get alone and ask God what triggers those feelings.
Or you may just need to sit in silence. Which is something that is VERY hard to do as women. Our minds continually run from one thing to the next. But sitting in silence is so powerful. You will find answers you never knew were there.
Search your heart and write down what is causing those feelings.
This is a question that only you can answer. There is no right or wrong answer but you have to do the work to find it.
You’re Not Wrong For Wanting To Do More
We were created to have a vision and want something to work towards. The Bible says we will perish if we don’t. I don’t think that is in the physical sense but certainly, our spirit and soul will suffer if we don’t have a goal to work towards.
Laundry, dishes, and clean-up can feel very pointless at times. It is like taking a shower. You do it once and you will have to do it again tomorrow. It’s not to say that you hate doing those things even though some of them are anything but fun.
But you want to be able to do things that surve a purpose.
If it is contributing financially to your household income that would make you feel more valued. Then maybe you could find a way to save money or start a side hustle. — It doesn’t have to be something so massive it takes up all your spare time.
If you feel the need to be a teacher or leader: Sharing your heart and mission on a blog or social media might be what you need. If you don’t have the pressure of needing to monetize your platform then all the better.
Maybe finding a project around your home. Organize things so they work better. Learn something new. If you want more ideas check out this post.
You may not be good at the thing you want to do but thats totally ok. You will learn and get better over time.
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You Don’t Have To Be Bored As A Stay At Home Wife
I don’t like to use this word because Its a choice in my opinion – boredom….
But I think the real hesitation for women when it comes to staying home is boredom. — They don’t see how they could handle doing “nothing” at home. Well, the truth is there is never “nothing” to do even if you don’t have kids.
You have to learn to find things to do yourself and take inishitive to do something. Whether you are at home or at a 9-5 job its up to you to get things done.
Women Have Stepped Out Of Their Original Role Over Time
While it is the norm for every adult to go out and get a job, it wasn’t always like that.
I was recently asked this question in an interview.
“Many times, women feel that businesses are for only for men. What’s your take?“
… and this was my slightly long answer.
Being an analytical thinker I like to think about how things used to be. I think it plays a big role in how we see things today. Whether you are a Christian or not you can look at this as a history lesson.
I think women as a society have stepped out of their original roles over the years. Men were created to be the protectors and women kept things running while the men were gone. — Men used to be gone for weeks or months at a time in battle or on hunting expeditions.
When we say “a Proverbs 31 women,” we think of a sweet meek woman who doesn’t have an opinion on much of anything.
But if you read all of that chapter of the bible you would find that she is far from that.
The chapter is about a mom teaching her son (a king) what to look for in a wife. — She is a driven and intelligent woman who runs her home well. She is a businesswoman, a creative, and an investor. She looks ahead to the future and is not afraid of what is to come because she is prepared.
Business has become a “man’s world” because we as women have stepped away from what we were created to do. Men are not going to ask you to step up into the financial world. You have to be the one to respectfully step up and do so.
Don’t Concern Yourself With What “They” Think
This is easier said than done BUT it’s the truth. The only opinions that matter here on this earth is your spouses, Gods, and yours. If the two of you are happy with the life you lead then you will have to find the best way for you to turn a deaf ear to what others are saying.
I struggled with seeing my worth to myself for a long time after I stayed home. – It doesn’t matter how much your spouse says you are enough for them. Unless you believe it. You won’t feel it in your heart and that is the only thing that is going to get rid of those feelings that are bringing you down.
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