Being a stay at home wife can cause ssssoooo many self debuts. The feeling of worthlessness, or not feeling like you are “earning your keep” can creep in and you wonder what to do with yourself.
Have mercy on your soul when the question “what do you do?” comes up😑
In a world that uses your job as your identity, it can feel demeaning when you stumble over the words “I’m a stay at home wife” The vision that comes to mind looks something like this.
Whether you being a stay at home wife was a co-decision with your spouse or it happened suddenly. Little whispers will creep in telling you that they disprove. That you are not earning your keep. The lies could go on forever. You don’t need me to remind you.
You Have To Find Your Worth FOR YOU!
It’s not enough for me, your spouse, your sibling, or a friend to tell you. You are enough. You have to find what makes you feel worthy to yourself.
It’s not going to be easy. You have to want it. But once you find what makes you feel worthy and what gives you meaning. You have to be ok if someone else doesn’t understand it.
When you are talking to a 60-year-old male doctor who says “what do you do?” and your answer has to do with making money online… The dude ain’t gonna get it. Just ask me how I know.
If you say you are a stay at home wife he is going to picture you barefoot in the kitchen with an apron on… Which would drive almost anyone up the wall.
Anyway I digress.
Sometimes people are not going to “get it” and you have to be ok with that. Because YOU know you have purpose and value.
Why Do You Feel This Way
Now my next few words might annoiy you… In order to fix the problem, you have to know what the problem is.
Now you might be thinking “I just want you to listen and not fix it”. Sorry honey this is not a problem I can let you sit in. You need to be able to stand up and move forward out of this feeling.
You may know exactly what is causing you to feel the way you do. Or you may not. You may need to get alone and ask God what triggers those feelings.
Or you may just need to sit in silence. Which is something that is VERY hard to do as women. Our minds continually run from one thing to the next. But sitting in silence is so powerful. You will find answers you never knew were there.
Search your heart and write down what is causing those feelings.
This is a question that only you can answer. There is no right or wrong answer but you have to do the work to find it.
You’re Not Wrong For Wanting To Do More
We were created to have a vision and want something to work towards. The bible says we will perish if we don’t. I don’t think that is in the physical sense but certainly our spirit and soul will suffer if we don’t have a goal to work towards.
Laundry, dishes, and clean up can feel very pointless at times. It is like taking a shower. You do it once and you will have to do it again tomorrow. It’s not to say that you hate doing those things even though some of them are anything but fun.
If you are wanting to see more of what a wife can and should do? Read this post. It is way more than you think. But don’t let yourself get overwhelmed either.
If it is contributing financially to your household income that would make you feel more valued. Then maybe you could find a way to save money or start a side hustle.
Sharing your heart and mission on a blog or social media might be what you need. If you don’t have the pressure of needing to monetize your platform then all the better.
Maybe finding a project around your home. Organize things so they work better. Learn something new. If you want more ideas check out this post.
You Don’t Have To Be Bored As A Stay At Home Wife
I don’t like to use this word because boredom is a choice in my opinion.
But I think the real hesitation for women when it comes to staying home is boredom. They don’t see how they could handle doing “nothing” at home. Well, the truth is there is never “nothing” to do even if you don’t have kids.
While it is the norm for every adult to go out and get a job, it wasn’t always like that.
I was recently asked this question in an interview.
“Many times, women feel that businesses are for only for men. What’s your take?“
… and this was my slightly long answer.
Being an analytical thinker I like to think about how things used to be. I think it plays a big role in how we see things today. Whether you are a Christian or not you can look at this as a history lesson.
I think women as a society have stepped out of there original role over the years. Men were created to be the protectors and women kept things running while the men were gone.
When we say “a Proverbs 31 women,” we think of a sweet meek woman who doesn’t have an opinion on much of anything.
But if you read all of that chapter of the bible you would find that she is far from that.
The chapter is a mom teaching her son (a king) what to look for in a wife. She is a driven and intelligent woman who runs her home well. She is a businesswoman, a creative, and an investor. She looks ahead to the future and is not afraid of what is to come because she is prepared.
Business has become a “mans world” because we as women have stepped away from what we were created to do. Men are not going to ask you to step up into the financial world. You have to be the one to respectfully step up do it yourself.
Don’t Concern Yourself With What They Think
This is easier said than done BUT it is the truth. The only two opinions that matter here on this earth is that of your spouse and yours. If the two of you are happy with the life you lead then you will have to find the best way for you to turn a deaf ear to what others are saying.
I struggled with this for a long time after I stayed home. That is seeing my worth for myself. It doesn’t matter how much your spouse says you are enough to them. Unless you believe it. You won’t feel it in your heart and that is the only thing that is going to get rid of those feelings that are bringing you down.