How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others

Learning how to stop comparing yourself to others is not an easy thing. But it is so important to your mental health. It takes work and is a never-ending battle that you have to keep fighting every day.

We all want our time to shine RIGHT NOW. And I totally get it. Humans are naturally driven and want to do better. Which is a good thing. But sometimes the results of our actions take time to work.

Whether it is home upgrades, new cars, education, or building a business. It is easy to look at other people’s success with a ping in our hearts because we want so badly to be out of the weeds of our own life. 

Trust me I know what it feels like to see other people with amazing success stories and feel like you are hardly getting any traction. But staying focused on that will slide us further down into the comparison trap.

“Don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.”

Anonymous

This quote is so powerful if you let it.

“If you continuously compete with others you become bitter but if you continuously compete with yourself, you become better.”

Anonymous

What Is Comparison

The definition of Comparison is this:

A consideration or estimate of the similarities or dissimilarities between two things or people.

It doesn’t say anything about worth. It’s just stating a fact.

But somehow we turn that into a measuring stick that has to line up with how good we are.

Many of us compare ourselves to others on a daily basis without realizing it. We make silent comparisons to people’s career successes, their relationships, and what they do in their free time. And to top it off our brains fill in the pieces we don’t see then we take it as fact. Even if we don’t have any proof that they are true.

“Don’t compare your life to others. There’s no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it’s their time.”

Anonymous

Oooo that is good! This quote is so powerful if you let it.

Stop Comparing Your Situation To Others- There is more than meets the eye.

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

Steve Furtick

There is so much behind the scenes that you don’t know about. People start at different places and every situation is different.

• You could be comparing the work you have been doing for the past year and a half to someone else who is at year 3 in their business or project.
• You would be looking at someone’s homestead with all these beautiful pens and barns when really they are living on the family farm that they inherited. 
• Maybe that person bought that beautiful Cadillac SUV and got an amazing deal. When you think they paid the lot price for it.

There is no way to know all of the intimate details of a situation looking from the outside in at successful people.

You Don’t See Their Time Investment

People spend their precious time differently. Their life situation could be very different from yours.

If someone is single and lives on their own they can literally use every spare moment to grow the projects that are important to them.

While someone who has a job and a family to take care of will have far more distractions. And you know what? That is ok!

You have blessings that they don’t. The love and support of a family.

If that is you don’t let the lack of extra time discourage you. They aren’t any better than you for being dedicated to their own goals. It will take time but you can do it.

Also what you may not realize is that person who is causing you to go into a cycle of comparison could be choosing work over relationships. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting to focus on your career and building financial stability for yourself. But, if your primary goal is always self-gain and not about making meaningful connections with others oftentimes leads to loneliness and emptiness.

You’re Allowed To Do What You Want With Your Life!

But you may have to be prepared for some results you didn’t expect like giving up on a family.

What Did It Cost Them To Get To Where They Are

For life or business, there will always be some part that we don’t see. While it is easy to want what others have we don’t see what it cost them to get it.

That person who has a beautiful home might be working 80hrs a week to pay for it. They are not able to spend time with their family because of it.

That successful business owner who seems to have it all on the outside grew his or her business at breakneck speed but it cost them their marriage.

That person you look up on Instagram with the cool homesteading or home decor account that everyone seems attracted to…. Could also be annoying the snot out of their family and on their phone every waking moment.

I am not saying that everyone has a crisis going on behind the scenes of their success. Dreams and aspirations are a beautiful thing and can come true without the cost of something you hold dear. But you have to be mindful to not let those things fall.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

Theodore Roosevelt

Personal Example

An example that happened to me personally is a blogger who is in the same blogging community as I am because we both perched Elite Blog Academy. She was able to make a full-time income after only 10 months of starting EBA. A blog oftentimes takes 2 years to make a full-time income. And that is with working on it full time.

That, of course, made me wonder what I was doing wrong. Then I saw a Facebook live she did in the group about what she did to move forward. She isn’t married and hired coaches and other people to help her move forward.

Once I heard that it was like someone popped a balloon and my stress level was gone. There were a lot more pieces to her story that I didn’t know or could not put into place with my situation!

Ask Questions To Figure Out WHY You Are Comparing Yourself To Others

Here are some questions you could ask when you catch yourself jumping into the comparison game.

– Why am I feeling this way?

– Have these feelings been triggered by something specific or am I just feeling down?

– When exactly did I feel like this?

– What does my gut tell me when I’m in a bad mood and how can I make it better?

Use these questions to help you figure out what causes you to feel that way and make changes in your habits. 

Maybe Its Time To Part Ways

If you find yourself constantly wishing you were on someone else’s side of the screen, it might be time to part ways with that person.

Or put their account on mute for a while.

“Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” Tim Hiller

A personal example it was the fall of 2018 where I had found myself following a lot of home decor Instagrammers and how I ended up with that many I can’t tell you. Regardless I found myself wishing for different furniture and accessories for my home. I was feeling discontented and wanted more.

Then it clicked. These women were in their mid to late 30’s who had all the decorations and were able to do every room in their house for Christmas. I was still in my first home and about 8 years behind them. I was comparing my begging to their middle. I knew it was time for me to part ways.

Quick Tips To Curb Social Comparison 

On Instagram

Now before you go and un-follow people you really do like, I want you to use this magical button called mute. You don’t unfollow them but you will stop seeing their posts in your feed.

When you see a post of someone you don’t want to un-follow right next to their name in the same block as the post there are three little dots.

Once you tap that there is several options and you can hit mute. Then it will ask you if you want to mute posts, stories, or both.

Choose which you think will help you emotionally to adjust. If you need to mute both then do so.

On Facebook

Facebook is another productivity killer when it comes to comparison. For pages, groups, and people (friends) there is an un-follow option on their account.

So you don’t have to unfriend or unfollow if you don’t want to. BUT you can unfollow so you don’t see their posts.

You Have To Manage Your Brain To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others.

You may or may not have heard of this but your thoughts cause your feelings.

If you don’t like the way you feel you have to shift your thoughts. Your brain is the one feeding you these thoughts because it wants to keep you safe, secure, and in a socially acceptable position.

You have to learn how to manage your brain if you want to feel better and not fall down the social comparison black hole.

The next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else you may have to stop yourself mid “crappy thought” and tell your brain “no we are going to be happy for this person”. 

Or maybe you do want something that someone else has. You need a mid-level thought like “my time will come, I will get there in the right time” 

My business coach says “your brain knows when you are BSing” and if you try to go too far-fetched you won’t be able to make yourself believe a thought.

Practice thinking good thoughts to manage your mind.

Focus On Others

When you are so focused on yourself it is really hard to notice others and be happy for them. The next time someone shares a good thing in their life be happy for that person.

Congratulate them and try to be genuinely happy.

You might not know how to feel better about yourself, but you can always try to be happy for someone else.

Life is complicated, so people have good days and bad days. Never compare your worst day with anyone else’s best day because this will cause you to spiral. 

At the same time, you should take some time for yourself and think about how lucky you are. Consider a gratitude journal or even a prayer journal to get you focused on God and the good in your life. 

 The effects of comparison on your body is not worth staying where you are. Perfect people and a perfect life don’t exist. 

I want to challenge you to write down your definition of success. What do you want in your life? Often when we get right down to it what would make us happy isn’t what the world tells us we need or what other people are doing. 

“Comparison with myself brings improvement, comparison with others brings discontent.”

Betty Jamie Chung

Love where you are and enjoy the journey. Put blinders on and stay in your lane. When you start to look around you get distracted. Soon you will find that you have wandered off the course and you’re down a path that was intended for someone else.