Being the best stay at home wife should not be your goal. Yes, you heard me right. Ok, ok, you read it but you get the idea. The heart behind the intention of being the best stay at home wife is good. But if you are setting a bar for yourself so high you have already lost.
Being “the best” insinuates that there is something else there to compare another thing (or yourself) to. Which can lead down a dangerous path of comparison and wishing for a life that you don’t have.
The goal should be for you to do your best each day and to end with a sense of accomplishment.
Because let me tell you something. Some days, or even weeks, are not going to go the way you planned. If you have this list of “to do’s” or things you have to do in order to be enough in the back of your mind. You are going to lose sight of what matters most and cause more stress than is necessary.
Now that I have run over your idea of being the best stay at home wife over with a steam roller (sorry about that) can I give you some tips to help you make the most of your days?
Build Your Home On What Your Family Needs
Did you know that you are building a home? Yep. Maybe not in the physical sense but you certainly are in the heart and mood of your home.
Most times these lists that we come up with in our heads are built on what we see others doing. I use this example a lot (if you have heard it before I’m sorry) but when we first got married for nearly a year I tried cooking these detailed meals because that’s what my mom did.
But I didn’t like doing it and I found out that my husband was happy with burgers and pizza. Why the heck was I pushing myself to do these crazy meals when my family didn’t care about them?
Lists of people say that you need to get up early to have a good start to your day. Meeeaaa not necessarily. What if your husband is a night worker and you want to make your schedule match his? Well, guess what you are about to become a night owl.
That’s why I’m going to give you some core beliefs and features to work on but the actual daily scheduling and when to do what is up to you. Our lives are still different even if we are all stay at home wives.
Create Routines, Plans, And Systems In Your Home
As women, our minds can feel like a 5 lane highway during rush hour. (Pssst: If you are a country girl like me and don’t see this unless you are going on a trip, its crazy and REALY stressful…) If you don’t have a plan for the day and how you do things in your home you will go crazy.
There are a lot of moving parts and it can feel like everything is out of control and nothing is ever completed. If I am being totally honest that’s kind of how life is. Nothing is ever done. Buuuuut you can set up a system that shows you that you are good for now and it’s ok to rest or take time to yourself. (workaholic raising my hand here)
I have started to use this planner recently because it is great when you are running your days on a prioritized task list instead of by the hour. You are going to need different things as you go through life. And when your days are unpredictable having a prioritized list will help you feel accomplished even if you only get one thing done.
Learn To Say No
When people learn that you are a say at home wife some will think that you can do anything at any given time. You will have to train them that this is not the case. If you are striving to build a home that is strong and in order. Your focus should be on your home and building the life you are called to live.
Is it ok to deviate from the plan sometimes? Of course. If something comes up and you need to be there for someone then absolutely go for it. Just be aware that you have to pull back the rains sometimes.
Only you can set the boundaries for your life. I can’t tell you “this number of times is ok to do something for someone else”. We supposed to be helpful for others but not at the cost of our own homes.
The Best Stay At Home Wife Is Calm And In Control
Being calm and in control does not mean bossy over your spouse or others. It simply means when something goes a little off track you don’t lose your mind and get mad at everyone around you.
Like I said having a plan or systems in place It will help you to know what is going on and be able to adjust if need be.
When you appear confidant in a sticky situation that will affect the mood of everyone around you. The next time something doesn’t go as planned pause and think before you react. Become a problem solver.
The Best Stay At Home Wife Is A Hard Worker
Being a stay at home wife does not mean you are watching your favorite show for most of the day and maybe doing a little house cleaning before 5 pm and calling it good. Yes, you have more time in your day because you don’t have a job you need to go to.
But being a stay at home wife enables you to get more done before your spouse gets home so you can have free time together. It helps you have more time to work on projects together.
The Best Stay At Home Wife Doesn’t Say “That’s His Job”
As a couple, you are getting through life TOGETHER. Not worrying about what’s his job and what’s her job. If you see something that needs to be done. Do it.
Mow the grass do the job that doesn’t seem so fun. Watch videos on how to fix leaks in the bathroom sink. Take the trash out.
Of course there are going to be things you can’t do and that’s ok.
We have a ditch that is at a pretty good incline. I am not interested in sitting on a tractor at a 45-degree angle with blades swinging underneath me. So I mow the rest of the yard and if my husband wants that few feet of ditch mowed. He’s gotta do it.
If there is a chance you could damage something or he has a particular way he does something then yes let the man do it. There is a fine balance but you can find it.
How To Know If Being A Stay At Home Wife Is Right For You
Now everyone is cut out for this life. But the biggest thing that will tell you if it is right for you is if your heart is at peace. That feeling inside you that knows this is right for your family. (Yes even if it’s just two of you)
Here are some great points from Deliberately Here Blog on how to know if its not the right fit for you.
As much as I love hearing about wives who are full-time homemakers, I know this calling isn’t for everyone. So, how do you know if it’s right for you? Here are a couple of different reasons why being a stay at home wife might not be the right fit for you (right now):
Your husband isn’t on board. The very first thing you need to do when deciding whether to be a stay at home wife is talk it over with your husband. Going from two incomes down to one is a big decision and shouldn’t be made on a whim. If your husband isn’t on board with the thought of you becoming a full-time homemaker right now, give it time and try discussing it again in a few months if it is something that is really important to you.
You’re not ready to make some lifestyle changes. As mentioned above, when you become a stay at home wife you’ll likely be leaving one income in the dust. Going from two incomes down to one certainly isn’t impossible, but it is something that should be thought about beforehand… and you’ll need to be ready to make some lifestyle changes. You can’t expect to drop an income without changing your spending habits, so to get you started I would STRONGLY, STRONGLY suggest that both you and your husband take some time to read this book before making any major decisions.
Spending too much time at home drives you crazy. When you become a stay at home wife there will most likely be days (quite often) when you don’t even leave your house. (I know… Gasp!) So, if you can’t stand the thought of spending an entire without leaving your house then becoming a stay at home wife may not be the best move for you – right now. Of course, you can – and should – get out of the house on a daily basis and go for a walk, but if you need to constantly be doing something away from home the adjustment to staying home will be tough.
You aren’t a self-motivator. If you struggle to get stuff done without having someone above you telling you what to do or setting deadlines, then you can bet you’ll struggle to get anything done at home.
Being a homemaker is a wonderful, rewarding job and you can bless many people with the role you have, but while you’re deciding what YOU should do, remember that it’s not for everybody.
Being a stay at home wife is far from easy. But you know the saying “if you love what you do you will never work a day in your life?” Its the same with us. If we are where God wants us and we love what we do. The work doesn’t feel like work.
Sure there will be some days when you don’t feel like getting it all done is even possible and that very well could be true. But rather than striving to check off a list of to-do’s that others have said this is what the best stay at home wife does. Work towards what your family needs and wants.
You don’t have to be the perfect house cleaner, bake bread, and make fancy dinners. The key is the heart that you bring with it. Not a task list.